He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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