Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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