The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
