I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
