You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
