Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
