Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
