well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
