Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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