For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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