Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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