When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
