you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
