i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
