I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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