look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's blow job season.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
