I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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