I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
