doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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