Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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