If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
