You can't special order awesome
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
