Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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