Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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