My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
