You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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