I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
bring money and cleavage
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Come share oat with me in your robe
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