So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
