My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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