Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
