I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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