I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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