he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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