I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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