i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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