I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have aggressive nipples.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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