I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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