Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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