Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
