I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
