The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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