I bet he comes in French.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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