This girl is more easily done than said...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
