your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
