belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
