You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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