Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize