they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
