Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
