All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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