Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
