I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
