just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize