One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
