And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
