I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
