Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
