i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
