im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
