apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
