Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
