Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
