why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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