Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
