took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
