apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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