she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
