My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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