Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
