I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
