I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
