Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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