so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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