quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
