my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
