im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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