batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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