My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
