we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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