I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
